I’m not really sure what, how, or where this fits in. Maybe there’s a stage full of kids playing children’s games like duck duck grey duck, red light green light, etc., while the following is read aloud…I’m not sure!
I won’t say I’m speaking for and about biracial people as a whole. I’ll just say what I feel. And I feel…like I’m constantly having an identity crisis. And I think some folks can relate. Maybe I’m struggling because the concept of being biracial itself is also constantly having an identity crisis.
Projected on a screen somewhere: IDENTITY CRISIS: “a period of uncertainty and confusion in which a person's sense of identity becomes insecure, typically due to a change in their expected aims or role in society.”
What role do biracial people play in our society now? How has it changed, and what’s expected now that wasn’t before? In some ways, I feel like being biracial feels more confusing now than ever. But I’m sure biracial people from every era have said the same thing.
Folks around us have always been asking that pesky question, “What are you?” And we are over here here working on figuring that out.
But I’m not even sure what I am right now…a person of color whose voice needs to be heard and amplified? Or, a person of privilege who has proximity to whiteness and therefore needs to take a step back? I have a sneaking suspicion that the answer is both. But that brings up the ever-present struggle for most biracial people: if I’m both, I don’t really feel like I’m either. A constant balancing act, our existence is unique and, at times, uncomfortable.
New projection: “If we know how we define ourselves, it’s easier to find communities and places where we feel like we belong.”
Feeling like we belong is a very human, physiological need. Like, our bodies and our brains need it.
If you can’t define yourself, it’s hard to find community. If you can’t find community, you’ll be alone. Like naked and afraid alone. Like, in a forest, at night, in front of a ten-foot bear, miles from your campsite alone. Our brains don’t do well with alone.
Even within the community of mixed-race people, our connection is within and without. We feel understood by one another because we all hold multiple identities, but sometimes, those varying identities can only divide us further. It’s like we’re all just out of reach.
But that heightened fight-or-flight response when checking boxes on a form…we all know well…
Just me?
I forgot - I said I wouldn’t speak for all of us. Well, for me, this identity crisis runs deep. It’s chronic.
Mixed-race people have always held a precarious, complex role in society. One’s identity can be used for or against them at any time and can vary person by person. You only need one drop to be considered not human. At the same time, the slightest proximity to whiteness can keep you alive. It’s all in the eye of the beholder.,
So, where does that leave me?
Empowered because I’m unlike anybody else?
Or stuck from isolation weighing me down?
No super secret special present for subscribing/reading on Substack this week, BUT I really appreciate you if you’re here! 💕 💜 🧡